Who's the Boss?

HEY!
so, remember that secret and potentially awesome news I mentioned waaay back when?

WELL...

I'm the new General Manager of Dreams of Beans Ltd.

Its been so busy, but soo worthwhile!

new mantra.

i've made a descision.

not like, a descision in the sense that i've come to a conclusion, but in the way that i've made a choice.

i will not live work.
i will love life.

i'm aware how obvious that sounds, but choices are harder than one might think.
it requires more steps back than people are often willing to make.
are you willing to make less money?
are you willing to do without?
are you willing to lose?

i am.
at least, i am now.

argh v2.0

things are still crazy,

life is far too stressful.

but i have something in the works.

something new and exciting and very promising.

the only hitch...

patience.

(do i have enough to see this through?)

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

In West Philadelphia, Born and Raised...

So over the weekend, I took a little vacation.

A much deserved and long overdue vacation.

So at 5:30am Friday, I woke up and got ready to head off to Philadelphia PA. The city of brotherly love, home of Benjamin Franklin, and birthplace of a certain "Fresh Prince".

Now, despite the worldly view I pretend to possess, I have never left Canada in my entire life. And have only left Ontario to go to Montreal, on business trips with my mother because she cannot parlez francais. So needless to say, I was excited.

A question I got asked a lot leading up to this last-minute trip (I decided Tuesday that I would go Friday) was, "Why Philly?". The answer was art. This was the last weekend for the Philadelphia Museum of Art's exhibition of works by Frida Kahlo. My friend Karen is a huge fan, and I was pretty excited thanks to all of the art history classes I've taken, as well as the works that I have studied in conjunction with some of the courses I took for English Literature.
So by 7:00AM, Karen and I were caffeinated, and hit the road with a freshly baked raisin challa from the cafe (THANKS DANIELLE!).

Word to the wise, don't blindly trust Mapquest. They will get you lost about 4 times. making an 8.5hour trip border on 10/11hours. They will recommend that you get off the interstate in some Podunk town and then head in the opposite direction of your destination rather than drive 2 exits further and be on the correct highway. Just saying...

Since this was my first trip stateside, I tried to collect license plates. I got 1/3 of the states, 17 in total (New York, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Illinois, Maryland, Rhode Island, California, Delaware, North Dakota, North Carolina, Florida, and more that I can't remember now). That passed some of the time.

But the art was the main focus, and it was amazing. Degas, Mondrian, Rodin, Pollock, Johns, Liechtenstein, Warhol, Van Gough, Cezanne, Picasso, and more. It was really moving and a little overwhelming. The Philadelphia Museum of Art is apparently the third largest museum in the United States. The place was HUGE! Giant galleries, whole reproductions of medieval temples, Buddhist shrines, Shinto tea houses, and colonial parlours, photography, watercolours, sketches, oils, everything. EVERYTHING!

In short, it was a concentrated trip filled with fun. Much better than a week long vacation where everything is meh. I think, if I can swing it, this will be the summer of the little day trips...

home

i just got off a nine hour shift at the hotel.
a shift that began 6 hours after I got home from Philadelphia.
stories and pictures to follow.

sam sparro

The fish swam
Out of the ocean
And grew legs
And they started walking
And the apes climbed down
From the trees
And grew tall
And they started talking

And the stars
Fell out of the sky
And my tears
Rolled into the ocean
Now I'm looking
For a reason why
You even set my world
Into motion

'Cause if you're not
Really here
Then the stars
Don't even matter
Now I'm filled
To the top with fear
But it's all
Just a bunch of matter
'Cause if you're not
Really here
Then i don't want
To be either
I wanna be next to you
Black and gold
Black and gold
Black and gold

I looked up
Into the grey sky
And see a thousand eyes
Staring back
And all around
These golden beacons
I see nothing but black

I feel a way of something
Beyond them
I don't see
What I can feel
If vision
Is the only validation
Then most of my life
Isn't real

'Cause if you're not
Really here
Then the stars
Don't even matter
Now I'm filled
To the top with fear
But it's all
Just a bunch of matter
'Cause if you're not
Really here
Then I don't want
To be either
I wanna be next to you
Black and gold
Black and gold
Black and gold

this is when we meet...

... And the real journey begins.

I get around...

So Tuesday Night was a concert night in Peterborough. Dragonette, a killer Toronoto outfit doing electro-pop-esque stuff with two killer opening acts on the bill as well. Sweet Things and Fritz Helder and The Phantoms. I rocked the LOUD "Bill Cosby on Acid" sweatshirt as this was a Neon is the New Black event to boot. The Opening act's Drummer, Tyler, was the little brother of one of my Fav. Brew-Pub waitresses. Not only that, he's the same Tyler from "Popular Mechanics for Kids"!!
This is Sweet Things, more rock with harmonies, and no real electro elements, but easily proved themselves a great act to see and hear. I wish I hadn't drank all my money away so I could have bought their CD.
Fritz Helder and the Phantoms have a song where the basically rap and mock the audience for not being original. They gave me props from the stage for my sweater, which pretty much made my night. That and Pastel Supernova (The Girl in the Seafoam Socks) is rediculously sensual and agressive. My kind of woman.
Then around 1am, on came Dragonette. They were amazed that on a Tuesday night we sold out a 500 capacity club in a "small town". I couldn't get over how short Martine is in person. She is a teeny tiny elf of a woman. But her vocals were spot on to the album, which made me super impressed. I hate it when a band live, sounds nothing like they do on the album. All in all, a great show and a good way to end a pretty crappy week. If you've read this blog for a while, you know how much I commune with live music. This was a great show, and check out the bands. They're all on my iTunes, and will remain there for a looong time.

Sunny Days Off...

Yesterday I was off work. And the sun still shone bright and warm, and the jacket was left at home as I wandered a few blocks from my apartment to see what exactly this day had decided to highlight with its golden rays.
The things I see everyday on my way to work, while out with friends, or when running errands seem to be lit for their debut. Things look better with a bit of sun, with a touch of radiant warmth.
After a trip to the cafe, to the bank, to the gym and the grocery store, the evening was spent with the waning rays warming my toes as I enjoyed a new book (In Defence of Food, Michael Pollan) and a great CD by a UK band, The Kooks. It was a pretty damn good day. So raise a glass to many more!

review...

Man!

When things come together, they really come together.
I'm employee of the month at the cafe.
And, my performance review is in at the hotel.
Not only to they love me in the kitchen, but i got me some love from the Administration and Management.
I've been reccommended to run the Gazebo this summer.
Which means, BUSY, TIRED, and CRAMPED.
Which also means, AWESOME! RESPONSIBILITY! MORE MONEY!!
It takes effect in April, and had been hinted at for a few months now.
The love is just pouring in or what I do, and I'm straight up LOVING IT!

Mellancamp

So, I survived another birthday. My 23rd was the birth of "Classy on the Inside" and as far as events. it was one of the best birthday's I've ever had.

(23rd Birthday!)

It was such an outpouring of love and support from such a vast array and group of friends. It was also the catalyst for chang ein my life. I realized, that as much as I've been alone, and done everything on my own for the last 4 years, I still had people willing to help me, and to listen, to critique and to comfort. It also didn't hurt that we got our party on that night in such a manner that there was no class left on the outside at all.

It started a shift from the talk, and idea or change to the action of change. Which has made this last year so much harder, and so much more fulfilling than I could have hoped for. Thanks to anyone reading for that. I'm a better man for all of you.

(24th Birthday!!)

So this year, for my birthday, I took a little trip to Ottawa. I was in the city for EXACTLY 24hrs and 17min. And I had a complete blast. These people are friends in the greatest sense of the word. Generous and caring, kind and beautiful. Honest. Trustworthy. So how else should we celebrate than in a private box at a Tom Cochrane & John Mellancamp concert! Classic rock at its best, the kind of show where you wait for one song in particular, but for all the time in and around that song, you are reminded of so many other songs that have been a soundtrack to precious moments of your life. If you've read this blog for a while, you will know how much live music means to me. Everything around me fell away. The stress, the stiffness from the bus ride up, the music sort of wrapped around me and time became as fluid as the notes in the air. I would swear to God that we were only at ScotiaBank Place for 10min.
(Life is a Highway)
(Jack & Diane)
Upon my arrival home Sunday evening, a group of 12 of us went to Matsu on Park for a Sushi Birthday Dinner. I love the food here, the quality and care is on par with any of the best sushi restaurants in a bigger metropolitan city. It's hidden from view, off of any main street here in Peterborough, so most students are unaware that they have more than one sushi option. It was such a good dinner, filled with laughing, and reminicing. I've known all of these people since i was in ninth grade, and we still get along like thieves. We've come along way from dinner's at chain restaurants, and to a degree I'm going to take some credit. I've pushed their palates for almost a decade, so I think the Swiss Chalet celebration is on its way out.

(Me & Mr. Matsu)

I hope that this theme will continue throughout my twenties, I am in my mid-twenties now, the first birthday to sufficiently freak me out. Looking back though, I don't see much of a change, and the change I do see, is easily for the better.

Mazel Tov!

rock band

i am no vid kid.
i pretty much think video games are a wast of time.
that being said, my brother just bought "Rock Band" for the XBox 360.
its guitar hero with a reg guitar, bass guitar, vocal mic, and drum kit.
i have never had so much fun in my life.
thom on guitar, shawn on bass, me kicking the drums whle jenny handles the vocals.
it recognizes the pitch, volume and tone of your voice, allows multiple solos, and the drums have bass, snare, kickdrum, something else and cymbals.
it was soo NOT a waste of 4 hours.
this is not us, but a sample of what its like... HERE.
(vocals accross the top, guitar, bass and drums allong the middle.)

:-)

i don't know what it was, but today i knew, i knew, that every smile i gave and every smile i was given was genuine.

fluidity of kharma

Today will be fun.
I went out last night to shoot some stik with the guys, a thursday night tradition i've been missing a lot lately due to work. Made the effort because cluper leaves for czech very soon. A great adventure for him, but a serious loss for our crew.
I got solid sleep and solid progress made in my book.
Soon I will be getting to hawk trimmed and such.
Then a meeting at the hotel with my boss and the head of the culinary program at Sir Sanford Fleming College.
Then out for dinner, RARE, the newest kid on the block here, and from word of mouth, and excellent gourmet steakhouse.
Plus, today is payday... and I have all my bills up to date!
Money to play around with!!
Psych! Money to put towards a downpayent on a house.
Seriously. Within two years I will own my own home.
Good times always lead to good things.
Peace.

me?

So, my boss offered to apprentice me yesterday.

Which means only one year of school instead of two.
Which means discounts on school and supplies.
Which means gov't subsidies and scholarships.

2008 is starting off very very good.

turn the page

2007 saw...
The beginning of "classy on the inside" with my 23rd birthday extravaganza.
It saw the Carleton Charity Ball weekend in Ottawa.
It saw me getting my fab apartment, the first time I've truly lived on my own.
It saw new friends becoming a significant part of my life.
It saw me quitting my job of seven years.
It saw me happy at work with my new job, in my line of interest.
It saw debt reduction.
It saw honesty and openness for the first time in as long time.
It saw the multi colours, the Jew-fro, crew cut, Mohawk and beard.
It saw contacts and a drop of 60lbs.

2008 will see...
The resolve to drop another 40lbs.
The further drop in debt.
My return to school.
Travel, for the first time in my life.
More honesty, more friends, more freedom.
The resolve to cook more, if that's even possible.
The resolve to keep a visual record of my life.
A clean house. Literal and Figurative.

My heartfelt best to all of you in the new year!!

moleskine

I have a moleskine notebook that goes with me everywhere. Or thereabouts. It gets the doodles, the lists, the random regurgitation of other peoples thought and opinions as viewed through my experiences. I was re-reading my most recent journal, and came across an entry I had completely forgotten. I think part of this blog will me remembrances like this. I had a dream several weeks ago that disturbed me. Made me sad to wake, but terrified me during it. It haunted me for days, but I had completely forgotten it until I came across it:

Sept 15th,
I had a dream a few nights ago. Still so vivid.
An angry holiday dinner.
I was supposed to make pumpkin pie, but I don't bake. I do the turkey, the gravy, the ham and any number of glazes. That is my role. I am the chef, but I do not bake.
Everyone is yelling at me.
They didn't care.
In the dream I am thinking, "I wish my dad was here." Which is weird. For starters, I never wished him to be anywhere. And he never did well in large, loud, family events. Not after he had quit drinking. But in some childish way, I wished my dad was there.
And then, in the kitchen, he was there.
They didn't care.
He was/ He is dead. Without words, we both knew he was only here/there to create this impossible pumpkin pie. And it was perfect. I don't like pumpkin pie. Apple is my thing. But out of tart shells, gravy and stuffing, my dad made the perfect pumpkin pie.
But he still wouldn't talk to me. I was crying. Sobbing silently in the kitchen during a thanksgiving meal. Something I usually did in the privacy of the basement bathroom. Something neither of my parents have seen me do since childhood. Something I have not done publicly since he died over seven years ago.
And they still didn't care.
I told him not to leave. By now, aware that this was a dream. Aware that time was running out. In the dream I knew it was only a matter of moments until my alarm clock would go off and ruin this. Wakefulness would ruin this horrible family meal that let me see, let me hear and smell my dad in ways I could never do with expressed effort when in need of comfort.
Then I woke up.
And forgot this dream for two days.
I remembered at Starbucks, a place I rarely go. And never know what to get, as I don't even like coffee. But I got a pumpkin spice latte. It tasted disgusting.
I didn't care.

This dream is weird. Not just for its content, its apparent meaning (and my lack of faith in the interpretation of dreams) but for the plain and simple fact that I do not dream. I just don't have dreams. I mean, I do have dreams, but very rarely. Maybe I will dream two or three times a year. If that.

But whenever I do dream, they are usually one of three or four recurring dreams. One, I am on a picnic in Burnham Park, and me and a faceless girl are chased by a gnome to a house where we reach safety and i wake up. Another, I am at a pool. Happy. Then I realize that I have no idea who owns the house I am at, or how I am supposed to go home. Embarrassment and dread fill me. I wake up. And all my dreams are semi-conscious. Because they are all recurring dreams, it only takes a few minutes for me to recognise the familiarity and to attempt to influence the outcome. Which makes it very fun when I have a sex dream. But that is a very rare happening. I can honestly say that I have only had three erotic dreams in my whole life. And they were all random variations on a theme.

This dream is new. It is the first New dream of my adult life. It scares me. But I want to have it again. And I am impatient to wait another four to eight months for the off chance it will be back in time for Easter.