What Constitutes a Confidence?

What constitutes a confidence?

If you tell someone expressly not to tell anyone else, but they tell a mutual friend, is that a breach of confidence? Even if the other person, the mutual friend is non-judgemental and understanding? I got a text message today from my younger brother reading, “U not wrkn? That’s the word on the stret.”

The only way he would have found this out is through my older brother, who I hung out with on Monday. I hadn’t seen my older brother in over a year. He’s been in prison for drug related charges. He’s out for a week, doing things to make amends, and asks how work had been. So I told him, I was unhappy, and had quit the Friday prior. “Don’t tell anyone until I get this sorted out,” I told him. I’m fiercely independent and have a strong will, I am in charge of my life, and rely on no one to succeed. Yet, there is a shame I feel being unemployed. And to share this shame with the world at large is in a sense, an admittance of failure.

Am I angry at having a not-so sercret shared with someone I’d rather it not be heard by? Or should I just accept it as my older brother trying to re-instate himself into the family, using whatever he has as conversation or as a token of his own esteem of himself. A sort of, “This was shared with me in confidence so I must be worthy of it, see!” attitude. Something he has always done when in some sort of bind. If he ever feels judged or trapped, he starts trying to shift focus, twisting peoples words and opinions to suit his intent. A talent learned from our mother, which leads to many more conversations yet to be written.

I have filled out well over 20 applications in the last 2 weeks, and put out upwards of 50 resumes. I have applied online for 10 positions. I am not just sitting idly by as opportunities pass me by. I am actively searching for jobs, applying at places that I would normally consider beneath me, because I am aware that I have bills to pay and responsibilities to uphold. I quit my job because it was not a healthy environment for me to be in. It reduced me to a level of depression and, with a melodramatic flair I must say a despair that I had proudly left behind on some unmarked day between 8 and 6 years ago.

As the tangents of my past untangle in this weakened, 10th grade stream-of-consciousness, I must remind myself that people make mistakes and I am only human. He is only human. And the single redeeming quality in any individual is their humanity. A touch of dignity is the class in any situation. Catharsis is found in the trying. In making the attempt to understand...